Blog #3: Hawak Kamay (holding hands)
In 2014, my great-grandmother passed away. This was during a crucial time of my life because I was transitioning from middle school to high school and I had just moved in with my dad, away from what was familiar to me. She suffered a stroke and was connected to life support for about a week. During this time, I felt pretty hopeless and without a sense of direction. The Filipino song “Hawak Kamay” (Holding Hands) by Yeng Constantino does not directly correlate to the death of someone but in a way it comforted me while I was grieving. It was said that Yeng dedicated this song to her cousin so it seems that she is talking to someone. The lyrics that really spoke to me were
“Minsan madarama mo kay bigat ng problema
Minsan mahihirapan ka at masasabing ‘di ko na kaya’”
And
“Wag mong sabihin nag-iisa ka
Laging isipin may makakasama”
These lyrics loosely translate to:
“Sometimes you will feel that problems are so heavy
Sometimes you will find it hard that you would say ‘I give up’”
During my great-grandma’s time in the hospital, leading up to her death, the situation felt very heavy to me. There was this unbearable feeling in my chest and my tears seemed never ending. After rediscovering this song, these opening lyrics caught my attention. I was really going through it and for “someone” to recognize my hardships made me notice it myself. And from then on I knew it was time to accept the challenges and work against them rather than let them take over me.
The next set of lyrics translate to:
“Do not tell me you’re all alone
Always think there’s someone with you”
I slipped into a dark place. Somewhat familiar, somewhat scary. Going back to crying, another reason why it seemed to never stop is because I felt so alone. I have lost other family members before but losing my grandma felt like a piece of me was taken too. Rather than dwelling on the fact that she is no longer with me physically I decided that she could still see me from above and that she is always with me in my heart. Now with the thought of her always being with me, I was able to perform a little better in school.
Regardless of Yeng’s original message, the way I interpreted this song and applied it to my life, in a way, saved me from my thoughts. It reminds me that while there are hard times, there are people who love you and will hold your hand, never leaving you on the journey. Looking back on Hawak Kamay with my "critically vigilant" lenses, I do not really perceive it differently. It still comforts me and serves as a reminder that no matter what issues I may be facing, it will be okay because I am not alone.
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Hi Raelene! SO sorry for your loss. This is a really beautiful song! I can see how this had an impact on your life during the time it happened. My grandpa passed away as well, but I was not as close to him like it seems you were to your grandma. Death is always something that can influence our lives and make us grow because it is an impactful experience.
ReplyDeleteHey Raelene,
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling of a lost one, it was difficult especially having a close family member past away in an instant. The way that I dealt with my grief was to listen to Ocean by Hillsong, the lyrics brought a sense of peace that no one could bring me by their words but through those lyrics I knew that it was her time and that those last minutes we spent together I would hold in my heart for eternity